Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

You did helped her financially for the ICU part right? then it gives you the right to ask to see the receipt. But if its too long ago, forget it. Next time if similar things like this happen again, ask to see the bill/receipt as early as you can. Best before you even pass her any money.

Other than that, your best bet is to let time tell if she's real towards you and hope for the best.:)

You are mistaken. The ICU is by the ex husband. I didn’t provide her much financially as she refuses and I have my reservations. She did in fact kept on emphasising that she doesn’t want money to come between us. She don’t want me to think that she is with me for the money. Again like you said, only time will tell.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

thats good
another red flag gone:)
to me it doesnt seem like she's after your money. But could still be after something else which i dont know what it is. Just hope that something she's after is really "your heart".

What pass does she hold now in sg?
PR, LTVP, work permit?

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

She is holding work permit and she is going back Vietnam soon. She wants me to pay her a visit after she goes back and meet her parents. So i will do that.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

You shouldnt doubt her and ask for opinion here. Which responsible girl dont choose their own child over a man. If u really love her, you should try your best to provide for her and her child.

I think you misunderstood me. The child wasn’t the issue here. I can always walk away if having a child before bothers me. What bothers me is trust. I asked her when i first knew her if she was married before and had a kid during our conversation. We were both being truthful about our past and hence this topic. I remembered she said no. And now out of the blue i found out and questioned her why didn’t she told me in the beginning. And she said because she was afraid I cannot accept her past and thus cannot accept her.

Now the consequence of her actions is that I don’t know if there are more things that she is hiding. I am only staying around because I really do love her and I hope time will reveal everything and build the trust between us.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

If you really love her...u should not ponder so much, taking care of her and her child should be your priority....Unless u dont really love her....

I do love her but in a relationship or marriage, there are many things to consider other than love. All else are as important and if one falls, it will be difficult to sustain. Her child is taken care by the ex husband by the way. The ex husband refused to give her the child and she knows her ex husband is in a better position financially to take care of the child. That’s what she said to me.

Anyway thanks for your opinion. Appreciates it.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Have you tried to up her? That’s how strong her basic instinct is to you. This knowledge is passed down from the caveman period :D

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Actually wanted to keep one's silence, but seeing how i once was in similar circumstance, cant help but chip in, you should take a look at bro warbird thread: https://sbfsg.online/showthread.php?...hlight=warbird

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis...

I dont see why you need to seek validation from strangers if are so certain about this relationship....

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

He did invite us to share our opinions. And the only way he can make an informed decision is to hear from all sides.

The only thing needed for evil to flourish is for good men to stay silent. Just quoting for the sake of sounding poetic :D

Thanks for link. It describes me perfectly and I will know what to do next time if such things happened.

I ain’t seeking validation from strangers. I am seeking opinions from all sides. I might be blinded by love and do things that seems perfectly fine to me but it’s obviously a big no no by outsiders. I ain’t here to listen to good things and wanting people to agree with me. I want to share my story and let some harsh truth into my head. I ain’t that deep in the rabbit hole yet but still deep enough to feel pain if it all falls apart. So perhaps opinions here will open up my eyes and see things differently. I rather let people say how dumb I am here than just happily continue a relationship that might potentially ‘kills’ me.

Yes you are right. I ain’t certain about the relationship. Because if i do, there is no point in this thread. I welcome all opinions to keep me thinking. Informed decision is the right words here so thanks.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Why not you share her contact with bros here, there are many bros more capable to take care of her than u.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Thanks bro. I had come to terms with myself to just let things flow on it’s own. I will also stop giving money. Let time show me everything. If she is really someone who is after my heart, letting her go abit should cause her to come back to me. If she is after my money, stop giving her money will make her leave me. And by that time i will know her true motive.

I will put worries and uncertainty behind and enjoy the present. I showed her enough what i can do for her. Now it’s time to let her show me what she really wants. If this turns out to be a successful relationship, i will be grateful. If not, at least i protected myself too.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

坠入爱河的人，往往眼睛是看不到的，耳朵是听不进去得，给的理由是多不胜数得。

只有旁观的，醒了的人才看的清楚。

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

就是因此这样才需要大家的帮忙。我很了解你所说的道理。谢谢。

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

ever considered what if your love rival is reading this and finds the resemblance?

if you have the time, do browse the <Understanding Vietnamese Life Partner> thread. not from page one but the recent years probably. it helped me years ago venturing into the viet scene.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Thanks. I will start reading the thread. I am not concern about my love rival(s). I personally just want to understand her thinking and if there is anything she is hiding from me. I will keep it light for myself and let time show me everything. I will start to be more patient and not hold onto it too tight. If she is really serious about us, she will come back on her own. Rather than holding on too tight and when the string snap, I will be the one who get hurt the most.

-
 

Sorry to hear about this Alan
Hopefully its something which will clear up with the antibiotics.
Presume shes not got a thorn or large splinter embedded?

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Hi ts, just enjoy the date. You are so attached to your vietnam lady is it because there are no other options for you?

When ypu have these hesitancy maybe its already not a good start. Is because she is pretty right thats y you cannot let go of her.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

yes la protect yourself and be happy with yourself first

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

If I were that lady, I also will not take your small money first. I will bait you until you married me, then make you tulan and divorce me and in the end I get half of your assets.

Actually very simple TS. You just got to hired someone you trust to help you to uncover the truth.

Find a handsome bro here in SBF or one of your friends who are good with women. Give him the hair saloon address and let your friend go try to sian this lady. Ask your friend to act rich and generous. If your friend managed to bonk this lady after sianing her, your problem all solved. Why go scratch your head until so hard? Just follow my method, quick and easy to get answers that you are longing for. But again, after knowing the truth, you might still comes up with tons of reasons that she is not a bad lady.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

i am handsome bro. please hire me to do it :D

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

555 good luck and all the best

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

very possible, the last part, live in denial because too deep into the feeling he cannot let go

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

TS has not posted for 1.5 months. Hopefully he has a clearer mind now.

My 2 cents:

You can take a girl out of a KTV but you cannot take a KTV out of a girl. They are used to the easy money and any opportunity that comes along they will take it to earn money. Having been in the scene for years, the thinking is driven always by money, love and thunder comes a distant second. And who can blame them? Anyone would.

In my view this is too much trouble for what it is worth. Her club background and kid is baggage. Baggage that has been bothering you for a few months, much less so a lifetime. These doubts would not abate even after years, that is the reality. We are but stepping stones in their lives - the moment a better player comes along, they are gone.

Unless you can stomach the rollercoaster of emotions - Save your heart, your sanity and your money.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

Hi bro.

First of all, I'd commend you on taking the path less trodden and for making the decision to continue dating as a couple. It's not easy and I wish you the best of luck.

The decision to go to Vietnam to see where she lives, her family condition and meet them is the best thing you can do right now to dispel your fears. Only when you see, then you can believe. Meeting parents are a big thing in Vietnam, usually reserved for serious relationships, so that's a step in the right direction.

1. I think expectations should be communicated clearly between you and her. You expected her to tell you everything, but you were surprised to find out she was married before. Let's be clear here: was it a lie? she told you she was never married but you found out? Or, was it just convenient to keep it secret until a better time? There are some differences between the two, and vietnamese are guilty of the latter for whatever reasons (pride, fear)

So let her know how you feel, and tell her she needs to be honest with you to let you feel respected.

2. Don't be afraid to go ahead with this relationship with her. I wholeheartedly agree with WILHD, take the risk if you really love her. You both have had difficult pasts, and this could be the start of something beautiful. I don't think this other "rich" guy should be a problem. If you know her schedule, and she's honest about this person, you'll be fine.

3. Make sure you know some of her friends, and she also knows yours. That way, you and her can both be more accountable to each other if something (bad) happens. This also makes the relationship more transparent. Eventually you have to introduce her anyway...it will be a welcome move.

I can't comment on marriage because I am not married. But take the time to learn some vietnamese if you haven't, and immerse yourself in their culture as much as she immerses herself in Singapore. She will be very appreciative of that.

The naysayers aren't wrong in telling you to be careful, because we can't fathom the extent of scheming some vietnamese ladies have. But I will leave that with you, because only you will know what kind of person your girlfriend is and let no one else tell you unless facts present otherwise. I went through 6 months of my friends/colleagues constantly "advising" me not to date a vietnamese (because she had an iffy past), until one day they stopped and said it wasn't that bad after-all.

All the best brother. This comes from 2 years of dating.

Re: Opinion on my decision to be with a Vietnamese lady
 

agree with you bro they are used to the easy money, as much as they may hate the work, they still willing to do because they cannot find an immediate replacement of the income