End of a fwb relationship
 

Hi all,

Recently ended a 1yr+ relationship with a fwb, and feeling sadness and emptiness inside.

It was crazy how we started but suffice to say I won't find another fwb easily again (without deep pockets). We had a common understanding not to reveal our real identities (names, company, etc) as we were both local professionals. Nevertheless, we have a good time having lunches/dinners, and good intimacy with some memorable 5-star hotel fun on important occasions for us.

Probably because I'm divorced, hence looking for a little bit more then bang&go FL-type as my emotional jar is empty. It was good to have someone to chat with (even just on a weekly basis) after a tiring week at work. Now that it has ended, I don't feel the urge to look for FL so I guess its not just the sex. I understand intellectually that this day would come, but I still feel emotionally affected at this moment.

Wondering if any bro/sis went through the same thing?

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

I went through the same thing so I can understand you. Its not always about the sex but the emotional support and attachment that some FWB give which FLs don't provide.

It won't help sleeping around as it will just feel empty. My advice is try taking sometime off from searching for a replacement. You won't be able to find a FWB with the emotional support so soon but you'll find someone that can give you the emotional support and investment through friends or strangers and it will occur naturally which won't need deep pockets.

What you are searching for is the sense of belonging and importance that a person has in you which I guess you haven't have felt in a long time. Sex was just a bonus on top. You aren't looking for just sex, you're looking for something to fill a void in yourself which can only be fixed by yourself.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

FWB is being use almost in the same as soul mate here. It helps to pen down as usually such topics is hard to share with anyone and keeping it bottle up is not healthy. Go out more and make friends, as sex is not the motivating factor here.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

A couple of years ago I ended a rather weird relationship. Kind of painful emotionally. I took quite a while to heal. Not quite the FWB kind cos we never had sex but more like master-slave kind of thing. He works in the same company as I do, several levels above me so technically he is my superior. We often see each other in meetings and team building get-together but never really talk to him much. We are just mere acquaintances. But on several occasions I caught him looking at me. He is considered a prized bachelor in our department for having most of the 5C. Rumours were abound he is gay as he never showed interest in any girls.

The fateful day was just another team building dinner at a function room. I was forced to move to another table due to overcrowding and i was seated next to him as it’s the only empty space. Everything goes as normal and I was a little tipsy. We had a rather good banter throughout the evening and I thoroughly enjoyed conversing with him. Then someone came over to talk to me for about 15 mins. When the person left I turn to him suddenly and caught him looking at his hp. The page showed a collection of whips. He quickly put away his phone but it’s too late. I teased him and jokingly said I could whip him if he want. I didn’t meant it but I was tipsy and kinda swell in the head. Immediately he said yes please anytime I could. I thought he was joking but his expression is all serious. That day was a Friday night. We chat till sat morning, him giving me a crash course about bdsm. Apparently he has a slave fetish and while guys his age engage FLs, he go for mistresses and dominatrixs.

And that’s the start of this weird relationship. We often checked into hotels with me whipping caning him. We even had him wearing a chastity cage to work. Maybe part of me writing this down harbour a tiny thought that he might see this post. Yes he is on this platform. A good whole of 9 months of clandestine fun before we decided to end it all as he decided to go back to his country. That year was the start of the Covid.

I never said it to him before, but I truly enjoy my time with him. No I do not love him but well, as I said it before it’s a rather weird relationship. Mmm, perhaps it’s like owning a cute cat/dog for 9 months before u have to return to its owner? LOL

Anyway it’s just a rant. I have nowhere to let it out except here. Lol

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

Thank you for the replies. I read through each reply several times.

To be clear, in my case she was financially compensated but nowhere near sugardaddy rates. She never asked for more money nor gifts in our 1yr+ time.
It is true that I treated her as an emotionally support as explained in my first post, and someone I looked forward to meeting every week. The sex was great! Sometimes I lasted for only 3minutes, sometimes 30minutes, no complaints from her. We enjoyed the sessions, no matter how they turned out. We just laughed about it and enjoyed the companionship.
I was actually thinking of making a post on the sugardaddy thread to see if there could be someone new, but after reading your reply I think i'll take some time to think about it first. Need a short break before moving on.

Won't go as far as soul mate, but yes for the past 1yr+ she was an important support pillar for me. At late 30s, the making new friends part is pretty much over. Colleagues can rarely be considered true friends, and my age group mostly married with small kids a.k.a. family men.

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't have bdsm kinks, otherwise I will dm you. HAHAHA!

I can reply this.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

Just curious bro. What made you guys end the relationship when everything was going so well?

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

She started a romantic relationship, hence we ended.
I wished her well and she more than deserves a good man in her life!
Sad for me but truly happy for her!

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

seemed the same for mine too. :(

cue music <<moonlight sonata>>

Me more worse. On sick leave. If i die much better, nobody can disturb her forever.

Now my body a bit pain. Really no will power to live on. What to do? She also needs a nice guy to take care of her. Might as well I dun bother her better forever. Now this comes at a very bad timing.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

You are not alone in this journey. Many bros have experienced similar sexual and emotional connections with non-official partners. Many in this forum would attest to that.

Sex is a physical act that generates pleasure and fulfilment to our needs. However when we find fulfilment in our partner, we start to pin for them and look to them to fulfil our other needs which is where the trouble starts. These partners are transient in nature (FWB / KTV / ML / SB etc) and often money is the primary motivating factor for them. It is a simply a phase in their life, nothing less nothing more. We however conflate and confuse sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy. Many bros do, you are not the only one.

It is however an impossible act. The happy ending starts and ends in the bedroom and not ever after. The pain increases when emotional feelings linger after walking out of the bedroom as it is in our human nature. Before you know it, jealousy rears its ugly head in one form or another. In your case, whilst you say you are happy for her, I believe you wish that this would never end. The person that gives you the highest highs often is the same person that gives you the lowest lows. Such is life.

The good news is that the forest is large and there is someone out there that would be able to take her place and I know this from personal experience. This could be an official or non-official partner. The first thing you need to do is to get out there and explore your surroundings. Try different experiences and see if there is any that is able to fulfil that void. It would take time though and that is ok.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

This is so well-written. Thank you for taking the time to pen this out. I'll be reading this note again.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

I Guess many of us have been through this. Just move on to the next one and you will be fine.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

Always good to hear from someone who went through it. Thank you.

Re: End of a fwb relationship
 

Why end when both like it so much?