Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Hello again my fellow Samsters, did you ever exp frds abandoning when you exp hardship such as divorce, breakup or bankruptcy?

I exp it once a long long time ago. Is brotherhood dead a long time ago or Singapore society is really a "you die your own business"? Sorry, not trying to open old wounds here, just want to hear the general opinion and experience.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

There is a difference between an Associate and Friend.

Many people likes to address one another "brother" just to make the relationship sounds not so formal. Dunn expect them to treat you as brother just because they called you "bro"......

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Some did, when I needed help to borrow some cash etc., most stick around.

I guess I am quite lucky, my old man advised me to choose my friends carefully, we may call everyone, friend, bro and so on but really keep in contact those that would stick around.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

I gone thru a divorce, remarried, bankruptcy , jobless for years do the occasional odd jobs here and there to pay the bills, slowly rebuild everything myself never needed friends or relatives help...most just show up throw comments here and there....I am a hard man now...don't believe in seeking help nor helping anyone...

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

It will depend. Some talk about money will siam far far.

Of course they may have some bad encounter before.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Never expect people to bail you out of trouble, even if you have done them favors or helped them in the past. I have seen a good number of snakes who bite the hand of those who helped them before. Sometimes people refuse to help because of this reason. Also there are a lot of selfish entitled people around who just look at their own needs /misfortunes (many times arising out of their poor decisions) but neglect to think why others “need” to help you pay for the consequences. If one does’nt invest in your friendships & just call when you are in need it will be tough to get help.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

I know a lot of people who treat their real brothers worse than their friends.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Your friends even if they are good, they at most can only give you advice. They might not be able to help you to resolve your problems or giving you free money. Rely on no one but yourself, nobody will always be by your side.

I myself don't have much friends.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

I think your case is as bad as mine, if not worse. No pun intended. I am in the process of rebuilding my life, though facing some very difficult hurdles.

I can tell the difference. 1 thing for sure, if I ever suspect someone with problematic character shows up for friendship. Definitely, I'II squash it.

I never ask for money, only support

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Hard lessons I learnt:

1) Pick your friends wisely when young, becoz once we hit middle age it's different. People tend to have commitments and find making new friends a chore. Besides, all relations take time and effort to grow

2) Water tend to seeks its own level

3) Never give unsolicited advice and help of significance. Most people, least in SG will never even say "thank you".

4) Been around several developed countries. Fast paced and $ focused environment makes people pragmatic, friendship is a luxury.

5) Never tell your personal problems to them. Somehow, I find that certain majority race in SG has an attitude/psychological disorder and would love to see their own kind fall hard in the face. It is a self-loathing race, including their country of ancestry.

This is my perception, pretty sure I am right and I make no apologises for that.

6) The duration of the friendship does not matter, people can just walk out due to convenience. Doesn't matter if you helped them many times in the past. In fact, I never ever brought them up nor use them as an emotional blackmail.

7) Never tell the truth, even if you try to be as tactful as possible. Smile, give a general PC one-liner and leave the scene asap. Always expect the other party to behave the same.

8) Never, ever be afraid to say "NO". Even if your friend is a gorgeous chick/stud/whatever [ insert appropriate term ].

9) Do not expect reciprocation in a friendship, no matter how long the friendship duration. Give what you deem appropriate and be done with it. For my case, I would never give anything again.

10) I was young, naïve and stupid, but never again. :D

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Agree, those guy and girl who call others bro without really being close friends are very inauthentic, hair stand; Sound very fake. Especially some alpha guys wannabe who just met through friends who want to act very outgoing and want to chamxiong like close with everyone. Everyone knows what's their agenda, sibei disgusting.

Female who call you bros are those who just want to get what they want, super turn off from a human being. These girls just want to draw the line that they need help don't expect anything else. I'm sure if they want to be more sincere they can just address by name. Before calling other bros they never think what good things have they done for the 'bros' they calling.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

of course have!
Who wouldnt?
Its actually good as this is one of the times to weed out all the fake friends.
But hor
even true friends help you also got a limit one ok
if you are under difficult times but didnt ask for help. No reason for any friends to abandon you
if you ask for help, only true friends will help you
but if you ask for too much. even true friend will abandon you.
too much like. Those gambling addicts. Ask to borrow a thousand. lose liao few days later borrow a few thousands more from you. Never ending one and never pay you back. Even if you true friend also will cut him loose.

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Dun worry when you hit rock bottom, there is only one way to go...and that up..;)

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

Well said for these particular 3 points.

Point 3 - I found it really hard to understand why is that so difficult for people to say “thank you” and “sorry” these days, especially for those that are even closer, is the society really sick ?

Point 6 - speaking on own experience, the more you help the more they start take things as granted and when you reduce help, they start to blame you.

Point 9 - personal experience again, helped a long time close Friend by bringing him to same company work directly under me after he lost his previous job, protected him like own brothers and made him shine, at the end he turned around and said to me “you can be at where you are now all because of me making you look good” :rolleyes:

My conclusion is ... there is still true friendships ... but perhaps these are “Dinosaurs” (mostly extinct) :D

Re: Do your friends abandon you when you have hardship?
 

last time i tried to help a bro, he disappeared with my 7k.

guess 20 years of friendship is only worth 7k.