Quote:
Originally Posted by PandaFluff
My 2 cents for what it is worth
I would like to break this down into the following:
Victims: The only victim/s in this story are your children, you might not want to believe this now but it is true. They will be the ones that suffer the most at the end of the day.
Husband AKA parrotkid
Wife lets call her Cheryl
The cheater man lets call him Andy
I would like to sympathizes with you on your discovery I can only image the feeling, dissatisfaction and heart wrenching emotions.
There are many reasons for infidelity such as revenge, boredom, the thrill of sexual novelty, sexual addiction however a large majority of the time, motivations differ by gender, with men searching for more sex or attention and women looking to fill an emotional void.
Remember women are also less likely than men to have an affair that "just happens," because they tend to think longer and harder about the situation.
Some women take time "to warm up to it. Going in and leaving quickly isn't their thing. Men can walk away more easily because their emotions are just different and it is unusual for a woman to want to have sex and forget about it.
Taking the above into account I would say that it is not fair to blame Andy, yes it is in our nature to want to blame other parties. Placing blame should be the last thing one does in a situation like this.
So take a step back ask your self what did I do to be the cause of this once you have answer this move on to the next step which is to have a adult discussion with Cheryl. This discuss should not be a mud sling match more or a finding out what and why things happened. Both parties need to be brutally honest during this discussion laying out all the facts on the table. You will be amazed at what can transcend from these discussions. Things that piss Cheryl off about you that was never known and vice versa.
Also never use the kids as a weapon remember they are the victims here.
After the discussion you need to decide what the next step will be. Now don't kid yourself in saying you will be able to forgive and forget. That only happens in novels and movies. People never forgive or forget. Heart ache is also only temporary however the hit to your ego is not. You will always live with the fact that your wife has cheated on you and that feeling of the unknown if she is doing that again is extremely difficult to manage. This might further cause trouble in a already troubled marriage.
So in conclusion it sounds if you really do love your wife and care for your family which is a good start maybe both you and Cheryl can talk this situation out and find out what is lacking in your relationship and to why the things happened what did.
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Above analysis was nicely shared on the thoughts and analysis by a bro/sis.
I read the whole episode from TS...
RCA/Root Cause Analysis:
Did a search and realised TS had been asking for alot advices and opinions from Affairs of the heart section more than 5 years ago back to 2012...
I personally feel that TS issues throughout the years was not solved and become sooner leads to work and health depression.
Becareful as alot cases we had seen ended up bloody mess...
Think of the kids, the woman whom don't spare a thought of her 2 kids, how to continue on as a mother, given a choice of kids and extra affairs?
My 1 cents worth of opinion/problem solving:
Do talk nicely for 1 time finale and see what she wants and she propose.
Do not beg unless the truth is TS was that went out of boundary first and wife found out and is doing on revenge.
We do not know true story or better picture as 3rd party (TS yourself will know).
Please consult some professional family counselling from official sources that can help to better advise before it's too late (Not sure if it's still too late as issues dragged for years...)
Treat opinions here from fellow sbf bros as a guideline but we are not the professionally trained so do get some professional help.
Google Search: family counselling Singapore
God Bless and may you solve the problem or find the root cause! 