Quote:
Originally Posted by alleycat
I'm 41, married with 2 girls, age 4 and 8.
Met wife in 2005, married in 2008. Sex was passionate and frequent back then.
We had a lot as well when trying to conceive the 2 kids. When 2nd kid was born in 2016, the sex suddenly grinded to a halt.
We had sex 4 times only in last 4 years.
I do not think its a medical issue and i couldnt find evidence of her cheating. I did notice her behaviour changed after she got a new job in 2016. She mentioned to me she's so envious of her colleagues who can go holiday trips to Europe or States once a year, fancied her bosses' posh house etc.
I saddled into debts while running a side business. About 60k, and I'm under Debt Repayment Scheme. But I still provide, with my day job earnings.
She and my dad fell out last Feb 2019, and she has hardly ever gone over to visit him, other than CNY and his birthday.
I noticed she has narcissistic behaviour. And I am the codependent. A perfect and lethal combo. Took me this long to figure it out.
I'm thinking of divorcing her since the passion is gone and I am a man here for her convenience (ferry her to work by car when its just 2 MRT stops away). Everything we discuss is either her job or kids.
She would often spend time on Netflix or texting her colleagues about work. Else she'd make time for hair, nails, leg waxing, eyebrow tattoo.
Never for the husband. never asked how's my day.
I have spoken to her about our marriage issue, lack of intimacy etc and we need to work on it. She just replied "ok", but nothing improved.
When my AWS last year and bonus came in this year, she just took my money put in her personal bank, says its to reserve for 'future car purchase' (Our old hyundai getz will be scrapped in 3 years)
I'm tired of putting in effort and not getting reciprocated. Plus all the rest of nonsense. On the surface, we look fine. My in laws would often help with my kids etc. But inside, I am dying, really unhappy.
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When you have kids, you have lost the privilege to put yourself first. How do you think your kids will feel growing up in a broken home just because daddy feels neglected? You have to man up for your kids bro.
You keep focusing on the negatives but here are some things you should have a good think about
:
1. She is not cheating on you, even though you have been whoremongering based on your post history.
2. She said "ok" to more intimacy. What do you mean by nothing improved? It takes two hands to clap. Can't tango alone. Have you done anything to get her in the proper mood for sex?
3. She has stuck by you even though you are in debt. This is a woman who is sticking with you through thick and thin. And you want to divorce her? Are you serious bro?
4. You call your wife a narcissist. And what is that diagnosis based on? Did she have a psychiatric assessment from a real doctor? If not, you are just giving yourself one more dumb reason to complain about your wife.
5. You call yourself codependent. Are you? Why are you complaining about having to fetch her to work in that case? If you are really codependent, you will have zero issues about being there just for her convenience. You obviously are not. So why victimize yourself? Why put your wife and yourself into pop-psychology pigeon-holes that have no clinical merit?
6. And for that matter, why are you complaining about having to fetch your wife to work? Especially if it is such a short drive? 2 MRT stop drive = 10-15 mins max. Can't spare 10-15 mins for your wife? What is your car for if not to ferry around your loved ones? To sit in the parking lot and collect bird crap on your windshield?
7. She spends lots of time on Netflix. Why don't you binge watch shows with her? Some shows are really good. And when there are R-rated parts, maybe you can get to initiate some R-rated stuff in real life too.
8. She took your AWS because you have proven yourself to be lousy with money. Its not like she spent the money on herself. She put it in the bank for the new family car. Also, be honest bro. You have been visiting whores. If she didn't put the money away, you would have spent at least some of it to get your dick wet.
9. You are complaining about how she is spending her time for her hair, nails, waxing etc. Bro you have been married for 12 years and she is still putting effort into maintaining her looks. What are you complaining about?
10. You are complaining about how she is spending her time texting her colleagues about work matters? Seriously? That's for work. Do you need to be reminded that she needs to work because you can't support the family on your own? What are you complaining about?
11. You are complaining about how she is not asking about your day? Do you ask about hers?
12. Sorry to say this but your wife being envious of others around her is natural. You aren't exactly husband of the year. And if she is not outright giving you shit about this, she isn't really complaining. It could be a cry for more affirmation and affection.
13. So instead of being resentful about this, why don't you try turning things around? The next time she talks about how Jessica from work gets to go to Paris, look her dead in the eyes and say "Dear, I am sorry I cannot give you the life you wish for now. But I can promise you 100% that I will work my ass off to give my darling girl the happiness she deserves". If she still loves you, 100% her panties will drop. Then you don't have to complain about your wife on a sex forum any more.
14. Then seriously work on turning things around. Start a small fund just for you and your wife. All those monies you are dropping on whores? Zero ROI. Put it into a holiday fund for your wife instead. And at the end of the year, go where ever you can afford. It can even be a staycation in Sentosa. People can see if you have been putting in effort. If your wife is not the materialistic narcissist you are painting her out to be, guaranteed you'll have sex more than once a year with her.
Bro you seriously need a wake-up call. Nobody can tell you what to do with your life. But sometimes you need to ask yourself if you have been doing enough. Try being more positive. Ask yourself if you are willing to sacrifice your family just to get laid more often? Is this really what you want out of life?
Good luck.