Quote:
Originally Posted by alleycat
I'm 41, married with 2 girls, age 4 and 8.
Met wife in 2005, married in 2008. Sex was passionate and frequent back then.
We had a lot as well when trying to conceive the 2 kids. When 2nd kid was born in 2016, the sex suddenly grinded to a halt.
We had sex 4 times only in last 4 years.
I do not think its a medical issue and i couldnt find evidence of her cheating. I did notice her behaviour changed after she got a new job in 2016. She mentioned to me she's so envious of her colleagues who can go holiday trips to Europe or States once a year, fancied her bosses' posh house etc.
I saddled into debts while running a side business. About 60k, and I'm under Debt Repayment Scheme. But I still provide, with my day job earnings.
She and my dad fell out last Feb 2019, and she has hardly ever gone over to visit him, other than CNY and his birthday.
I noticed she has narcissistic behaviour. And I am the codependent. A perfect and lethal combo. Took me this long to figure it out.
I'm thinking of divorcing her since the passion is gone and I am a man here for her convenience (ferry her to work by car when its just 2 MRT stops away). Everything we discuss is either her job or kids.
She would often spend time on Netflix or texting her colleagues about work. Else she'd make time for hair, nails, leg waxing, eyebrow tattoo.
Never for the husband. never asked how's my day.
I have spoken to her about our marriage issue, lack of intimacy etc and we need to work on it. She just replied "ok", but nothing improved.
When my AWS last year and bonus came in this year, she just took my money put in her personal bank, says its to reserve for 'future car purchase' (Our old hyundai getz will be scrapped in 3 years)
I'm tired of putting in effort and not getting reciprocated. Plus all the rest of nonsense. On the surface, we look fine. My in laws would often help with my kids etc. But inside, I am dying, really unhappy.
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Not here to say who's wrong or who's fault.
I maybe a bit evil here.
Since you're in big debt. Its a good opportunity to go for divorce.
Because she can claim less from you.
But your matrimonial property, be prepared to cede at least half to her.
If you still have an income even though deep in debt, the judge will still make you pay something every month for the children at least. Its just that you can use the "debt" reasoning to seek lesser maintainence.
If you're truly unhappy and everyday is a living hell, just go for it.
Maybe you want to ask her if its a living hell for her too.
oh and if you go for divorce, forget about getting your kids' custody unless the wife is insane or violent to the kids.