Quote:
Originally Posted by lustygrandmas
I’m on my way home in a cab while typing this, just finished a session with a FL. Every single time I look for FL, I’ll feel guilty and scared at the same time. Scared cos of std guilty cos I’m thinking what I’m doing with my life.
Every single time after looking for FL, these set of feelings will just come out of nowhere. Not sure if it’s just me
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Hey there, I suppose you're in your mid to late twenties? 20s is often a period of struggle, of self-discovery, of finding one's place in this universe, of trying, making mistakes and learning what works better and of learning more about how society works & life.
It's also a period where you will realise you have to accept certain things, and that it can't be forced to change at will - example having a bigger circle of friends, especially so if you seek connection and quality.
It sounds like you've some degrees of low self-esteem and lack of healthy communication/nurturing in your growing up years, which results in your difficulties in maintaining long-term relationships. This I believe is quite common in average local families where family ties and communication aren't quite healthy so the younger generation don't know what's the right healthy way to live.
Such issues are hard to overcome because there's very little discussion, resources and support for them. It will be a long fight. But we have to try, especially when we're younger, more hopeful and more optimistic. Attend some self-discovery courses... travel overseas alone (when covid is over)... see a therapist (takes trial and error to find a good one)... attempt to be in relationships because this will reveal the problems and we learn how to deal with them better either in the same relationship or in subsequent relationships. It's a tedious relentless process of trying but on the bright side, when you get to 35, 40, you will be far better off
It's easy to envy people in relationships but really, we don't know the effort and struggle it can take to sustain these relationships, especially after marriage and kids enter the picture. Some relationships are one-sided I.e. one party putting in disproportionately more effort, love and money - which in this case, I think it's better to be single.
In our society, there's a lot of emphasis on achievements from young and little emphasis on what really matters - our soul & meaning. So this creates a lot of internal turmoil and emptiness. We're not brought up to think and act according to what we really need. So we end up on a wild goose chase for certain things and experiences thinking it will get us to a better place but they don't.
The only reason to live is to live a life that connects with us internally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Mindfulness, meditation, put the focal point inwards rather than outwards, drown out the noise of society's expectations and injurious measurements of a person's worth, seek what truly matters and what one truly needs.
Humans are curious and tend to seek new experiences. This applies to many areas such as food, travel, cars, education, jobs, whatever. Yet we're being told we have to marry and be with that one person for the rest of our lives. When people get married in their 20s and early 30s, how much do they really know about themselves and their partners and the world? Some couples are more lucky, they get married to someone who has great chemistry with them and complementing personalities, so it's easier to sustain the marriage.
Chemistry, complementing personalities will make sustaining any relationship much easier. Because the two souls are being nourished and connecting.
Sex is a basic need of both men and women but society is structured in such a way that we approach it conservatively. Won't be surprised many average people live sex-deprived for many years. So long as you don't hurt people maliciously and deliberately, there shouldn't be guilt or shame in having sex.
Wrote a fair bit and a little all over the place but hope it's useful for you!