[shannonlow]

Hi All SBF bro and sis,

Thanks for all your message.

I had quit CD. This is the last time I logged into here, this is the last message from me.

I started CD since primary school, consider Old CD already. Since then I am hooked, and started crossdress for these years. I din meet people until recent years. I rmb meeting a real guy for first time and enjoy the first caressing on my butt. I hooked on to that and start looking for guys for such pleasure.
Honestly, I enjoyed very much in the past, meeting guy, though the pleasure last less than 30min, but I put in a lot of effort to prepare to show the best of my sexiness (which I think I dun have , just trying too hard). I've done crazy thing, just to pleasure myself, I think the guy also enjoyed. some dun , I can tell, some yes, whatever.

Or maybe some regret meeting me, thinking “the figure so fat, not like charbor, especially the face, wahlau eh, cannot make it, like this quality also dare to CD, wahpiang, pui! “. Ok, I understand, if I am to meet a cd, this Shannon is surely not my type. Sorry to make you puke in the past, if any.
But recently I made a decision to quit. Mainly for my religion, spiritual sake but also for a better me. I see it as a harmful thing. No offence to all CD lovers out there and CD sis. This is just my own opinion, not to invite debate.
I become a slave of my sexual desire, when the urge hit me, I become crazy and will leave all my work behind, and go for it. Just to satisfy my hunger. That is unhealthy, that was too much, I am too wrong in this. I tried to stop, quit and start again, quit and start again, but the pleasure is too strong, I cant resist. so I continued for years and years. I am too deep in this.

It become a poison. I am no longer myself.

Until one day, I looked into the mirror, I cant recognise myself. it is not about my face, but is about my character, my nature. I am not like this before CD. Though I enjoy every session with the guy , seeing the guy enjoyed and go away, I feel good but for a while only. I then feel shameful of myself doing all these things, also about taking those picture thinking I am sexy, trying to tease people…wah lau, I feel dirty, sinful, I am not myself.

You guys may be free thinker, may have other religion etc, I respect all your belief.
Here I am just talking about my own belief. I am embarking onto a spiritual training, it will take 9-10 years, starting from the basic. It is a transformation, I see it this way, I already dumped all my CD stuffs, and made a vow to my spiritual Guru, that I will never get into CD again. If I break my vow, I will burn in hell. You guys may laugh as we live in 2020, no one believe in hell. We only believe in $ and sex. Somemore, we see CD as hobby , what is that to do with sin or hell? Come on lah!
Ok, I respect your belief, it is your right to laugh or to post negative message here.

But I respect my vow, that is a very serious vow I made, I written it down, to remind myself. There are many things in this word that we cannot explain, it is beyond science and our understanding. You dun believe it, doesn’t mean it wun happen or it dun exist. If it is going to happen, it will happen, it doesn’t care whether you buy it or not.

So in order to stop myself once and for all, I made that very-serious vow.
I am here to say goodbye. I dun noe how to delete my thread, but if any bro here noe how to do it, please help to convey this message to the forum PIC to delete this thread and all my photos.

I am not here to give advice, or urge you guys to stop CD or to stop meeting CD for fun. Sexual desire is very strong, it take over us without we realising it. Having said that, I hope that you guys will not become a slave to your sexual desire, have some self control and live a better life, focus on doing meaningful thing. That is all I can say.

No doubt, it is very a tough challenge to fight my own desire, to stop CD, to stop watching porn, to stop commercial sex, to stop masturbation, to stop having lust over other woman and guy.

I am fighting it every day every moment. It is very tough but I have no way back, I have to fight it. Sometimes in life, we have to fight ourselves, we cannot keep listening to our desire. It dun call the shot, I do.
Take care, my friend.