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  #61  
Old 19-01-2023, 09:31 AM
sbwow sbwow is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Probably married a psychopath or sociopath , use the law to get them for emotional abuse.

https://www.choosingtherapy.com/female-psychopaths/
  #62  
Old 19-01-2023, 10:21 AM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

This might help you.
https://www.quora.com/How-do-you-deal-with-a-psychopath

  #63  
Old 19-01-2023, 06:41 PM
stfu2 stfu2 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

wow. That guy must have seen some shit.
  #64  
Old 20-01-2023, 04:30 AM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

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Originally Posted by stfu2 View Post
wow. That guy must have seen some shit.
Seems like it
  #65  
Old 22-01-2023, 10:05 PM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

If a woman has the kids' interest at heart, she will never divorce unless life and safety at stake.

Otherwise, the kids are nothing but tools to lifelong maintenance. Especially those who forbid the ex husband from seeing the kids. Because they don't want him to find out anything like money was not used on the kids but somewhere else.

So, never ever marry or have kids in Singapore. Otherwise, suicide will become a serious option.
  #66  
Old 26-01-2023, 04:18 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

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Originally Posted by kt88_2 View Post
Contested divorceclawyer fees is 3k above depend on how complex it is
This has got to be one of the dumbest advice I have ever heard, starting with 3k? Have you even gone through with one?
  #67  
Old 26-01-2023, 05:07 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by rix6669 View Post
We have decided to proceed to divorce.
8yrs marriage, 1 new kid.

Hdb 90% paid by me.

Indirect contribution such as housework and meals, fetching wife( in the past when she work) about 30-40%.

We have a kid less than a year old.
She stopped work right after pregnancy.
But she should be able to get job with $3-4k salary.

Due to communication breakdown and her constant emotional abuse, we have decided to divorce.

Flat is 70% paid. She contributed 50k initially, everything else I'm paying, instalment, rest of the downpayment.

My concern is how will we split the asset? As I've been trying to clear off the housing loan within shorter loan tenure.

What maintenance fee to expect for kid n spouse?

How do I move on to save up and buy a flat for myself if asset and maintenance fee is high?

Whats your experience financially for those who went through divorce? How long it takes to stand back up? It just seems tough financially. (Main concern)
I didn't see your thread rix6669, but since you tracked me down and dropped me a PM for my lawyer's contact, I will reply a bit here.

First of all if you read anyone using the word 'alimony', he (or she) probably is neither a lawyer nor has been through a divorce in Singapore, so what he said is probably hearsay, so just take it with a pinch of salt.

The proper term used here is 'maintenance' (as in you need to maintain the person).

I will try to repeat what my lawyer told me (from what I can recall), anything more, you should sound it out from your own lawyer.

There are 4 things to divorce, 1st is the dissolve of the marriage, 2nd care and control of your child, 3rd is the division of your matrimonial assets, 4th is maintenance

Since both your wife and you want to divorce then 1st part is settled.

2nd part is what you need to consider hard, is your child better off with his mother or you. Custody no need to consider, always jointed unless you give it up, or the court deemed you not fit to have it. Care & Control generally means (among other things) how much time the child spends with each parent.

3rd part involve in proofing the asset is matrimonial or not, then come the argument who is entitled how much. How to split is depending on how much each party contribute to the marriage.
For example in my case, I contributed to about 80% of the flat (including initial payment, instalments etc). My ex-wife just contributed to the initial payment (but not instalments even though she was working).
So when splitting, I finally got closed to 70% share of the house, my ex-wife then took up a loan and bought over my share.
Luckily the value of the house then has risen and my 70% was enough to repaid CPF (including accrued interest) and left me with a bit of cash.
That was my bottom line when I negotiated (through my lawyer) over the share quantum.

4th part, the considerations are, for child maintenance, no matter what both parents are to contribute to the upbringing of the child, how much sometimes depends on how much time the child spends with each parent. Some people will fix an amount (but as the child grows up then both parties will again have to argue over the amount). In my case, my lawyer advised for expenses to be shared proportionally, be it education, medical etc. This is cheaper because my ex-wife and me can sort it out without the need for lawyers.

Spousal maintenance for my case is nil, because my ex-wife never stop working throughout the marriage, in fact she gotten career progression.
Also she was not close to retirement at all.
I am not so highly paid such that I can afford for her to stop work after marrying (this is important too).
Ultimately my lawyer said, the law is fair, the divorce is not for my ex-wife to make a windfall.
The only thing my lawyer asked me to consider was, my ex-wife may ask for help her to pay rental for a room/place so that my child have a place to stay whenever they are together. This was because my ex-wife's parents were staying with her brother then (the parents sold their place to help to brother to fund his Condo purchase). Under such circumstances the judge may grant it to her.

These are what my lawyer told me during our (many) consultant sessions. I am glad that other samsters have started to remind you to look for a good lawyer. Previously, when we have threads like these everyone started to give their views or experiences. The worst were the views; a lot of times they are by samsters who definitely are not lawyers nor have they been through divorce(s).

I hope these are some food for thought (for you), you need to hang in there, it is a mental challenge, you need to be strong.
  #68  
Old 26-01-2023, 05:15 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

One thing though, your financials are your financial, nobody can tell you how it takes for you to stand back up.

One thing is to fight hard and take what you can, after the fight, and only after the fight if you are magnanimous you can give something back. What you managed to keep from the fight will help you to stand back up, because you cannot assume your opponent will do the same.
  #69  
Old 26-01-2023, 05:30 PM
kt88_2 kt88_2 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvbreast View Post
This has got to be one of the dumbest advice I have ever heard, starting with 3k? Have you even gone through with one?
3 mths ago,at toa payoh hdb hub lawyer firm,
They hv 3 rates,married no property no kids, uncontested ,1.2k,
Hv property n kids ,u contested 1900 agd,if contested if remember correctly is 3k above n maybe more if contested by either parties ,that is with kids n property n money involved ,all quote with gst
  #70  
Old 26-01-2023, 05:32 PM
kt88_2 kt88_2 is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kt88_2 View Post
3 mths ago,at toa payoh hdb hub lawyer firm,
They hv 3 rates,married no property no kids, uncontested ,1.2k,
Hv property n kids ,u contested 1900 agd,if contested if remember correctly is 3k above n maybe more if contested by either parties ,that is with kids n property n money involved ,all quote with gst
The shocking part is if she ask for my falt n I willing I can write over to her,but I chose to pay her lump sum n subside a flat for her include renov cos my flat is own by me n fully paid,so I settle with lump sum a few hundred k cash for her
  #71  
Old 31-01-2023, 02:40 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kt88_2 View Post
3 mths ago,at toa payoh hdb hub lawyer firm,
They hv 3 rates,married no property no kids, uncontested ,1.2k,
Hv property n kids ,u contested 1900 agd,if contested if remember correctly is 3k above n maybe more if contested by either parties ,that is with kids n property n money involved ,all quote with gst
If you don't mind disclosing, did you actually engaged them and they won the case (as in you got what you wanted from the divorce, and successfully defended your ex-wife's claims against you)?

And for that you paid exactly what they quoted you above?
  #72  
Old 31-01-2023, 02:44 PM
iluvbreast iluvbreast is offline
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by kt88_2 View Post
The shocking part is if she ask for my falt n I willing I can write over to her,but I chose to pay her lump sum n subside a flat for her include renov cos my flat is own by me n fully paid,so I settle with lump sum a few hundred k cash for her
This is interesting, was it because your ex-wife was a housewife throughout your (long) marriage so much so that she had a good chance of getting a lion's share of the flat? or was it because she paid a substantial portion of the flat's cost?
  #73  
Old 31-01-2023, 02:55 PM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

I myself am considering right now, but the property market is not good for tenants if you want to rent. I want to move out to a temporary place before I kickstart the process so we don’t see each other every day if things turn sour.

Even HDB master bedroom rentals are like 1500 in the north where property is cheaper, if you want to divorce and rent an entire unit until you can split property, you have to set aside 2500-3000 sgd per month for rental alone. It’s damn costly.

To give an example, my monthly mortgage is barely 1500 per month right now for a 5 room hdb flat.

I can’t buy another hdb, not possible without divorce, I can’t buy a condo without paying huge ABSD.

Not the divorce itself, but the consequences are very costly.
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  #74  
Old 01-02-2023, 06:56 PM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

Quote:
Originally Posted by iluvbreast View Post
This is interesting, was it because your ex-wife was a housewife throughout your (long) marriage so much so that she had a good chance of getting a lion's share of the flat? or was it because she paid a substantial portion of the flat's cost?
She working ,I paid for the unit,so pay her cash
  #75  
Old 01-02-2023, 08:20 PM
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Re: How badly financially ruined is life after divorce?

In view of such dire financial conditions on your part, why would u want to divorce? Unless u have immediate plans to marry someone who is waiting for you?

Because otherwise, I would in your shoes, just move out. Rent a place if you really can't stand being at home. But u need to be strong, stand ur ground and let ur wife knows she is the one causing this family to break up.

Meanwhile, as you regain ur sanity staying on ur own, you will not lose out so much financially sans just the rental expenses. But renting a studio apartment won't cost u an arm or leg.

What I am really trying to say is, if its not our men's fault for the divorce, I don't see why we should be paying for it, simply because in the eyes of Singapore Law, women are always protected by the Charter.
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