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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help. |
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#16
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Learn to love yourself first. If you can’t do that its difficult for the ladies to accept that you can love them. You are single and prostitution is not illegal here but if your goal is to have a life partner and kids then its not going to help you. Your sexual needs can be mostly fulfilled if you have $ but that can’t buy you a faithful companion. The more you rely on hookers the higher your expectations will be for sexual fulfilment. After fucking 100 girls you may find that a beautiful girl with big boobs no longer cuts it for you. So how will you be able to accept the girl next door who carries a torch for you?
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#17
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I’m beginning to feel the toll it has taken mentally on me. Started to believe that everyone and everything can be bought. That everyone has a price. And it feeds into my fear that my future gf will eventually cheat or leave me cos I’m not adequate. I have not yet felt the faithfulness that other bros have felt so I’ve begun to question the existence of it. |
#18
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Take it easy on yourself.
I personally failed in many relationships of varying degrees. The most important thing to ask yourself is what did you learn from your previous relationships? So that in the next one, you don't make the same mistakes again. If last time you turned left, next time you turn right. But then again, sometimes we are not the problem, it could be on the women's side as well. I have dated someone who essentially was looking for golden ticket to bring her and or her family out of their situation, which simply I couldn't afford. She decided that I wasn't the right one for her. And it's alright, really... people are free to choose who they want to be with |
#19
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Unfortunately, i dun think i able to write much as it is going nowhere and i need to make time for other things. I believe u are still liable, so during reservist, u can try to talk to your ns mates and make new frens from there. Whatever wrong things u say does not matter. U can also go out with them. |
#20
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TS you don’t need many friends to not feel lonely, honestly a person can’t maintain proper friendships with too many people. Most of what we encounter theough our journey in life are acquaintances. These people come and go. A few good friends is more than enough. How many birthdays can you really remember without using apps?
You have to ask yourself though if you’re afraid of being by yourself then how would a girl be interested in being with you? Do you have hobbies of any kind that can help make your life more interesting? Any passions that you can pursue? These add to your whole package as a person. Developing a good sense of humor will also be useful , learn to laugh at yourself and things/people around you. Becoming a more well rounded person will make you feel more fulfilled internally & lessen your neediness vibe. Women want to rely on men , its an evolutionary trait. If they sense they have to mother you & huge insecurity its a major turn off. Many women are attracted to men who have passion and a sense of purpose. Others are deeply attracted by humor. Of course there are those who enjoy the money & power. There those who are attracted by kindness and of course good looks naturally. Don’t tell me you can’t develop at least 1 of these traits? Also there are 7 billion people on the planet , you think theres no one suitable for you? |
#21
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Imagine this scenario. There is a starving African who hasn't eaten in 5 days. Someone offered him a choice between a million US dollars and food to satisfy his hunger. His hunger is so strong he chose food to meet his primal need. It is only after satisfying his hunger that he sat down and think 'maybe I should have taken that US$1 million. I could have bought any food I want and still have enough to spend on other areas'. You are like that starving African. When you need to fulfil your lust, you think of nothing else. Only when primal need (lust) is fulfilled will logical thinking return. That is when logical thinking (fear and regret) arise in you. This mental cycle keeps repeating itself.
Primal need thinking can also happen in other forms. Often we see guys being KC by foreign ladies for example, as friends we try to help such guys by logical thinking (talking common sense) into them. Very often, talking common sense to such guys fail when the primal need (lust) is too strong. Common sense only comes back to these guys after they get burnt. And then regret happens. If you recognise this mental cycle, you can start to break away from it. Do you want to be like this for the rest of your life? Are you going to spend your life to lust for different girls only to end up with the same feelings of emptiness, regret and fear after sex? It's your choice. If Singapore girls are out of your league, go for Malaysia girls. They tend to be more loving, less demanding, easier to spend the rest of your life with. One more thing, even though many guys here look for girls like you, it is different. They are married men looking for girls to supplement their sex lives. They have someone constant in their life (their wife). You are a single guy. If you keep looking for FLs, there is a danger you might find it harder to have a normal committed relationship in future. If you not happy with this FL, just look for another FL right? Gf or wife cannot leh. Not happy but still have try to work things out
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I don't exchange points. So no point adding me hoping I will up you back. No need to pm me about points too. |
#22
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That makes sense bro, and yeah I’ve been pursuing different things to try to make myself think less about wanting a relationship and focus on myself first. It’s hard not to think abt it tbh, sometimes I can’t believe how much this kind of thing has affected me that it has spilled over to my career. And I really hate it. And hate the fact that I can’t stop thinking about it. |
#23
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Btw bros, this is not abt me trying to find a solution. I’m just sharing my thoughts with bros and I welcome all and any kind of feedback. I might not be the only one feeling this way so if anyone has the same problems like me, feel free to share here too.
I know how wretched this kind of issues can make a person feel, and the answers posted here so far has kind of helped me think clearer. It’s a band-aid at best but better than suffering alone and in silence. |
#24
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#25
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If u have this primal need thinking, then it's necessary for you to be a world class engineer, either working in IBM, Emerson, ABB, Schneider Electric, ABB, ASML, Google Office whatever companies u name it. Pls tell us what is on the ground, instead of Keppel. And dun just write one statememt in general. And u should discuss more engineering concepts, dun tell me about your success story. The rest i am not really interested, to be very direct to the core. |
#26
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My advice is it is far better to pay for sex. It's also a lot cheaper overall. I've had far better sex with whores.
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Tips for ALL samsters.
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#27
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Do you know how it puts a web programmer down when a lousy and rubbish person or a Foreign Talent use pes F status to mock the programmer? Get real, thanks! |
#28
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Bro, you just need make your online persona and offline persona the same person. If you can carry yourself well online, you should have the confidence to do it offline too.
If you recognise that you have an issue, then you will have a solution. Otherwise, no amount of talking is going to help you.
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Human have two eyes at the front, so that we look forward not backwards. |
#29
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It's also a period where you will realise you have to accept certain things, and that it can't be forced to change at will - example having a bigger circle of friends, especially so if you seek connection and quality. It sounds like you've some degrees of low self-esteem and lack of healthy communication/nurturing in your growing up years, which results in your difficulties in maintaining long-term relationships. This I believe is quite common in average local families where family ties and communication aren't quite healthy so the younger generation don't know what's the right healthy way to live. Such issues are hard to overcome because there's very little discussion, resources and support for them. It will be a long fight. But we have to try, especially when we're younger, more hopeful and more optimistic. Attend some self-discovery courses... travel overseas alone (when covid is over)... see a therapist (takes trial and error to find a good one)... attempt to be in relationships because this will reveal the problems and we learn how to deal with them better either in the same relationship or in subsequent relationships. It's a tedious relentless process of trying but on the bright side, when you get to 35, 40, you will be far better off It's easy to envy people in relationships but really, we don't know the effort and struggle it can take to sustain these relationships, especially after marriage and kids enter the picture. Some relationships are one-sided I.e. one party putting in disproportionately more effort, love and money - which in this case, I think it's better to be single. In our society, there's a lot of emphasis on achievements from young and little emphasis on what really matters - our soul & meaning. So this creates a lot of internal turmoil and emptiness. We're not brought up to think and act according to what we really need. So we end up on a wild goose chase for certain things and experiences thinking it will get us to a better place but they don't. The only reason to live is to live a life that connects with us internally, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Mindfulness, meditation, put the focal point inwards rather than outwards, drown out the noise of society's expectations and injurious measurements of a person's worth, seek what truly matters and what one truly needs. Humans are curious and tend to seek new experiences. This applies to many areas such as food, travel, cars, education, jobs, whatever. Yet we're being told we have to marry and be with that one person for the rest of our lives. When people get married in their 20s and early 30s, how much do they really know about themselves and their partners and the world? Some couples are more lucky, they get married to someone who has great chemistry with them and complementing personalities, so it's easier to sustain the marriage. Chemistry, complementing personalities will make sustaining any relationship much easier. Because the two souls are being nourished and connecting. Sex is a basic need of both men and women but society is structured in such a way that we approach it conservatively. Won't be surprised many average people live sex-deprived for many years. So long as you don't hurt people maliciously and deliberately, there shouldn't be guilt or shame in having sex. Wrote a fair bit and a little all over the place but hope it's useful for you! Last edited by shhhhh; 08-07-2020 at 05:51 PM. |
#30
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Don’t think too much as long you always practice safe sex. Don’t have gf, unable to get gf or gf/wife never give sex cannot really blame you.
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sex is life. |
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