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  #1  
Old 06-08-2020, 04:02 AM
justwanadoit justwanadoit is offline
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Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Not sure if this is right sub forum to write. There is another which is matters of heart. So mod if not correct, can bring to other sub forum.

I have to admit its all my fault. I do feel guilty it happened but this period for me is totally surreal.


Background is i got married to a lady that i had no feelings for over 10 years and had a child. Worst thing was she my 1st girlfriend so i actually never fallen in love. After more than 10 years , i cannot say i got no feelings for her, its more like loyalty, sisterly feeling rathen than romantic feeling.

Felt something amiss. I had never really put myself out in market.


Got a offer overseas(europe) and i took it. Left my family here temporarily and was planning to bring them over. Then Covid came.

When overseas very lonely so i intro myself as single and got to know some ladies. But some are just ONS. Nothing serious

Then came along this lady and I fell in love, she is perfect for me. I thought she should be the woman i should have married in Singapore. But she did not know i married and had child liao. We are now paktor for 1 month, everything so sweet and i finally have the feeling of falling in love


Sigh...now at cross road,really don't know what to do. Give up my life overseas and come back to my "stable,happy family" or give up Singapore one and go for new one?

How should i break up even with this one overseas? She is the 1st i fell in love with.
  #2  
Old 06-08-2020, 05:51 AM
shhhhh shhhhh is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by justwanadoit View Post
Sigh...now at cross road,really don't know what to do. Give up my life overseas and come back to my "stable,happy family" or give up Singapore one and go for new one?
One month is too brief to tell if you and the overseas gal are compatible... Even a year may not be telling. It takes at least a few years to know a person reasonably well - through the ups and downs, see clearer if both are compatible for each other

Marriage is a milestone for many because society says so. Humans are curious and exploratory by nature which is why we have advanced thus far as a civilisation - to commit 100% a whole lifetime (on average 50 years of marriage?) to someone whom one knows for average a few years... is really unrealistic and not reasonable. Alas, we are all conditioned by society to some extent.

Imo... if one has to marry, a lasting marriage needs chemistry, laughter, joy of being in one's company.

Perhaps, hang on with this overseas gal and see how things go - see if really compatible (past the honeymoon stage)? Anyway, if she's really into you and thinks for you, even if she finds out you lied, she will still listen to what you have to say (which is what you wrote in your post).

If this overseas gal really is the suitable one... no point hanging onto the marriage too... just make sure you still maintain a good relationship with your child as he/she is innocent...
  #3  
Old 06-08-2020, 06:58 AM
justwanadoit justwanadoit is offline
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Thanks brother for your clear headed advice.

Its true 1 month too short. Maybe after few months this relationship die "natural death" , partly because we also in different city but i already visit her 3x , taking 5 hr train ride.

I guess i have feelings for her and her for me. But let time sort it out.

Strangely your advice is similar to a catholic priest who i went for confession, about that no need to make a urgent decision now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by shhhhh View Post
One month is too brief to tell if you and the overseas gal are compatible... Even a year may not be telling. It takes at least a few years to know a person reasonably well - through the ups and downs, see clearer if both are compatible for each other

Marriage is a milestone for many because society says so. Humans are curious and exploratory by nature which is why we have advanced thus far as a civilisation - to commit 100% a whole lifetime (on average 50 years of marriage?) to someone whom one knows for average a few years... is really unrealistic and not reasonable. Alas, we are all conditioned by society to some extent.

Imo... if one has to marry, a lasting marriage needs chemistry, laughter, joy of being in one's company.

Perhaps, hang on with this overseas gal and see how things go - see if really compatible (past the honeymoon stage)? Anyway, if she's really into you and thinks for you, even if she finds out you lied, she will still listen to what you have to say (which is what you wrote in your post).

If this overseas gal really is the suitable one... no point hanging onto the marriage too... just make sure you still maintain a good relationship with your child as he/she is innocent...
  #4  
Old 06-08-2020, 07:13 AM
bignehneh bignehneh is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

(1) No idea why you get married lei? Sisterly love? Simi LJ? Then after that still have kid? Thinking with small head or because of pressure from parents?

(2) The girl you know is local working there or ang mo? If Ang mo, just fuck it. Maybe mistake 2
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Old 06-08-2020, 08:13 AM
des4fuck des4fuck is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by bignehneh View Post
(1) No idea why you get married lei? Sisterly love? Simi LJ? Then after that still have kid? Thinking with small head or because of pressure from parents?

(2) The girl you know is local working there or ang mo? If Ang mo, just fuck it. Maybe mistake 2
i kind of agreed with both point this bro have bought up ......7 years itch maybe ? And maybe u are alone out of singapore for some time ....need company ... no wonder the divorce rate this year is much higher than last year due to this covit situation ....
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Old 06-08-2020, 11:25 AM
kt88_2 kt88_2 is offline
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Red face Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Have kids live with it although u don love yr wife.Nothing is perfect.U can hv yr ECA also. Think of the kids.That my personal opinion n I am doing that now.
  #7  
Old 06-08-2020, 11:34 AM
Sgchiongster Sgchiongster is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Before u start thinking of other things, there’s only 1 facts that you cannot ignore: your kid is innocent. Are u ok with your kid growing up in a broken family?

The damage to your kid’s emotions is something that all the money and love in this world can repair. I grow up in a broken family. The emotion pain is forever. Your kid will never forgive u even if in the future u want to make amendments to him/her. The scar will never heal.
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  #8  
Old 06-08-2020, 12:08 PM
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unsung80 unsung80 is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

damn messy indeed! u better sit down and ask your heart what you really want? Only you got the answer eventually. i won't talk so much as for sure many here will throw your their valuable and experience advice. Good luck.
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  #9  
Old 06-08-2020, 01:02 PM
justwanadoit justwanadoit is offline
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Partly dont want to see her cry when break up. And partly society pressure

She is south american but i think she really love me too


Quote:
Originally Posted by bignehneh View Post
(1) No idea why you get married lei? Sisterly love? Simi LJ? Then after that still have kid? Thinking with small head or because of pressure from parents?

(2) The girl you know is local working there or ang mo? If Ang mo, just fuck it. Maybe mistake 2
  #10  
Old 06-08-2020, 02:15 PM
thedevil666 thedevil666 is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

the feeling of love and being loved, and attention given and receive in a courtship is why all marriages are broken up by an affair. i have alot flings outside of my marriage, and what keep this relationship going is the what i just described earlier. its a refreshing feeling esp when u are in a long term relationship and the relationship starts to become stale.

since u reflected that your wife may not necessary be the person u loved the most, i hope u do consider this long and hard. sometimes we don't need to be with the person we loved the most. we just need to be with the person who love us most. (see the difference?)

and since u are far far away from the family, just take the new relationship less seriously. have a bit of fun. she may appear to be the perfect girl now, because she's new, and opposite of the woman u have, but she may not be the one u should marry also when u start to know her longer and deeper.
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Old 06-08-2020, 02:51 PM
candle2000 candle2000 is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Just quote from a song

"It's sad to belong to someone else when the right one comes along".

I can't say much cos I am single.

Take care !
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Old 06-08-2020, 04:18 PM
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Bro, my advice is, go back to your happy stable marriage back in Singapore. You can fuck around and even let a few of them be your mistress or girlfriends if you are serious. Keep them for a few years and change them when you get bored and need new pussy. BUT, don't leave your family and treat your wife and kid well. Then you can continue playing outside.
  #13  
Old 06-08-2020, 04:26 PM
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Vermicelli Vermicelli is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Bro, the kid is innocent. you still have responsibilities as a father. You can have all the fun you want but do look after your family of 10 years..
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Old 06-08-2020, 04:35 PM
sammy124 sammy124 is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

is the fallout from divorce messy? if messy then better keep this a secret
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Old 06-08-2020, 06:14 PM
EtherC EtherC is offline
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Re: Need advice for overseas affair, messy.

Bro, you quite old bird here. Never read my posts on love? These are hormones and brain transmitters that give you the high. Im not saying your love is fake. Give it some time ,if you can stay cold turkey from this new girl and fly home for a visit. Rid yourself of the love cocktail messing with your thoughts. Then really consider as a sober man if you really cannot live without this new girl. Don’t need me to remind you how divorce is right?
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