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Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help.

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  #16  
Old 12-07-2022, 10:47 PM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
I’m not referring only to material matters of course. I wasn’t even thinking about HdB flats.

Even on emotional matters, there are costs and benefits to be analysed.

What makes me happy, what can the other person do that makes me happy?

What can I offer to make the other party happy. Is it a price that’s too high for me?

At the end of the day, this results in the best outcomes for everybody.
True love is it makes you happy to make the other party happy. Of course there are varying degrees to that. To suffer so the other can be happy is on the extreme end.
  #17  
Old 13-07-2022, 12:26 PM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacekeeping View Post
True love is it makes you happy to make the other party happy. Of course there are varying degrees to that. To suffer so the other can be happy is on the extreme end.
That’s actually a cost benefit analysis going on right there.

My point is that people need to be ultra realistic about what they expect from their partner, from their relationships and what they expect to pay for that.

And pay they must, because everybody pays.

Except offspring.
  #18  
Old 13-07-2022, 01:27 PM
portsafra portsafra is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
That’s actually a cost benefit analysis going on right there.

My point is that people need to be ultra realistic about what they expect from their partner, from their relationships and what they expect to pay for that.

And pay they must, because everybody pays.

Except offspring.
ultimately life is about choices and perception, yes there is a price to pay for everything, and i guess is will you be happy with the result of paying whatever price for what ever you want
  #19  
Old 13-07-2022, 07:22 PM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by larue View Post
That’s actually a cost benefit analysis going on right there.

My point is that people need to be ultra realistic about what they expect from their partner, from their relationships and what they expect to pay for that.

And pay they must, because everybody pays.

Except offspring.
It’s just a matter of knowing what you can accept and what you can’t accept. No need for so much analysis. If you love someone you won’t be so calculative because love is really blind.
  #20  
Old 13-07-2022, 07:25 PM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Originally Posted by portsafra View Post
ultimately life is about choices and perception, yes there is a price to pay for everything, and i guess is will you be happy with the result of paying whatever price for what ever you want
I think if want transactional love, just find a fl. The cost is more transparent.
  #21  
Old 13-07-2022, 11:36 PM
TurtleStreets TurtleStreets is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

@Peacekeeping bro is correct

Nothing is ever free whether it be FL or spouse. If you just want the milk, you don't necessarily need to buy the cow.

Furthermore, @larue 's cost benefit analysis approach is a rational take on relationships. However, humans are not rational creatures. Our reasoning processes are always muddled by emotions and moods and rather susceptible to bias.

Humans are not rational. I do feel that we are more of 'rationalising'.
We tend to try to justify the reason for our actions with what we perceive as 'sound' logic. It usually done post-action.

So, I would argue that by being 'ultra-realistic', we cannot always have a full grasp of rational thinking. Even more so for relationships. Unless, you are one of those enlightened/actualised people. But then again, a person of such spiritual (or whatever you call it) cultivation, would be detached from worldy things.

Thank you everyone for the input.
  #22  
Old 14-07-2022, 08:18 AM
larue larue is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleStreets View Post
@Peacekeeping bro is correct

Nothing is ever free whether it be FL or spouse. If you just want the milk, you don't necessarily need to buy the cow.

Furthermore, @larue 's cost benefit analysis approach is a rational take on relationships. However, humans are not rational creatures. Our reasoning processes are always muddled by emotions and moods and rather susceptible to bias.

Humans are not rational. I do feel that we are more of 'rationalising'.
We tend to try to justify the reason for our actions with what we perceive as 'sound' logic. It usually done post-action.

So, I would argue that by being 'ultra-realistic', we cannot always have a full grasp of rational thinking. Even more so for relationships. Unless, you are one of those enlightened/actualised people. But then again, a person of such spiritual (or whatever you call it) cultivation, would be detached from worldy things.

Thank you everyone for the input.
What you call ‘rationalising’ is in fact a well studied psychological phenomenon known as Motivated Reasoning.

And you are absolutely right, human beings are by and large irrational, and full of biases and -isms, and many are completely incapable of even a moment’s rationality.

This does not change the fact that we should all try not to let emotions and inbuilt biases affect that way we approach life and relationships.

This often requires a conscious rewiring of the brain so to speak, but most people will never achieve it because of the initial pain this invariably inflicts on one’s ego.

It is possible that 9 in 10 people reading this made up their mind to disagree by the third line already because it conflicts with their own worldview, simply because it hurts to have one’s own convictions questioned.

What I have callously called a cost benefit analysis is really little more than thinking really hard about what one wants from a relationship, without lying to oneself about it.

It’s avoiding the lying that is hard, and you already seem to know that.

Last edited by larue; 14-07-2022 at 08:37 AM.
  #23  
Old 14-07-2022, 11:18 AM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleStreets View Post
@Peacekeeping bro is correct

Nothing is ever free whether it be FL or spouse. If you just want the milk, you don't necessarily need to buy the cow.

Furthermore, @larue 's cost benefit analysis approach is a rational take on relationships. However, humans are not rational creatures. Our reasoning processes are always muddled by emotions and moods and rather susceptible to bias.

Humans are not rational. I do feel that we are more of 'rationalising'.
We tend to try to justify the reason for our actions with what we perceive as 'sound' logic. It usually done post-action.

So, I would argue that by being 'ultra-realistic', we cannot always have a full grasp of rational thinking. Even more so for relationships. Unless, you are one of those enlightened/actualised people. But then again, a person of such spiritual (or whatever you call it) cultivation, would be detached from worldy things.

Thank you everyone for the input.
Yes humans tend to rationalise before doing something irrational or after something has happened. We have a natural mechanism to feel good no matter what happens. That’s why intelligent people are always sad because they have the ability to see things as it is. As humans we are meant to be emotional and full of life. That’s what makes living interesting.
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  #24  
Old 16-07-2022, 07:29 PM
kakasika kakasika is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleStreets View Post
@kakasika

Wah, tnx for taking the time to reply.
no problem willing to share not much harm to me just typing a post lol

i read the reply , glad you found some of the advice reassuring, just dont need to go out and search with regards to women. of coz u need to meet people to meet women, but dont need to specifically search, focus on on your goals for yourself enjoy and learn thru the journey, take things positively, have empathy for others.

my life advice in a summary lol
  #25  
Old 26-07-2022, 04:15 PM
portsafra portsafra is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacekeeping View Post
I think if want transactional love, just find a fl. The cost is more transparent.
yup cash for sex, well that is the price paid for fulfilling lust.

but need for socialising, work, companionship, the price is time and feelings and effort.

so all in all, in a relationship with someone, you find that all these "price" you pay to be with someone and the result is how that someone treats you or how that someone makes you happy, in each own perception, is it worth it?
  #26  
Old 30-07-2022, 10:09 AM
Greenfrog Greenfrog is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Peacekeeping View Post
It’s just a matter of knowing what you can accept and what you can’t accept. No need for so much analysis. If you love someone you won’t be so calculative because love is really blind.
Love is not blind. it is the person that is blind.
  #27  
Old 30-07-2022, 02:32 PM
Peacekeeping Peacekeeping is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by Greenfrog View Post
Love is not blind. it is the person that is blind.
If you prefer, love makes a person blind. If you can love someone logically then you are a robot
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  #28  
Old 01-09-2022, 01:58 PM
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sgjoey sgjoey is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Before you conform to the conventional life of marriage, do yourself a big, big favor and read SEX AT DAWN by Ryan and Jetta You will avoid the plight of very many married bros here and elsewhere around the world. Monogamy is not the ideal for most people, men or women.
  #29  
Old 03-10-2022, 05:16 AM
freshstartm freshstartm is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

Quote:
Originally Posted by TurtleStreets View Post
Hello sirs and sis!

M, 28 turning 29. Single. Decent job (to me, at least). I realised that I heavily invested a lot of my time and effort in my 20s in building my career and I have severely neglected time for self-reflection and planning. Im slowly starting to do it now. I take random buses and ponder about life until I reach the bus terminal.

To be honest, I am just looking for any general life advice from older (hopefully more wiser samsters).

Things like:
>What's your age and how did your view of 'Love' change over the years
>Is it still worth it to get married in Singapore? Local vs Foreigner?
>How do you deal with nosy people asking why are you still single at my age.
>Is there anything that I should be careful with now I am approaching my 30s in relationships?
>How to not get jaded by two-faced people either at work/professional setting?
>How do you (some of you feel) living a double-life with chionging and having a clean image in the day?
> Has chionging affected how you treat/view your relationships?


I know I'm just rambling. Thank you in advance for reading my post. Feel free to discuss your perspectives.

I will reply whenever I can.
Try to give my humble advice, not that I'm qualified, in the same boat as you. So don't need to pay attention.

1. About same age as you. younger: believed in true love, one person, a soulmate. now: love is dangerous for men in particular, don't lose your mind or your wallet over it

2. Hmmm, tough. Is it worth getting married anywhere? Local/foreigner doesn't matter to me. What matters is if the girl is drama-free or not. Having dated both locals and foreigners, can guarantee that there's decent girls and bad girls from all over. Don't marry unless you have a good financial/family reason to do so. Always plan beforehand.

3. I don't. I just ignore them or smile and tell them I'm asexual.

4. not sure yet, but I'd guess when your pockets are fuller, more ways to lose money to girls/reckless chionging

5. Become two-faced yourself.

6. Always felt kinda bad. But...it is what it is. Nobody really cares that much what you do off-work. remember plenty of other guys in the office, your boss, are also doing it. even some of the women are having affairs.

7. It makes me realize that healthy relationships should be cherished. Most relationships are superficial or transactional. If you have one good friend, that's already a blessing. If you have a good girlfriend/wife, you are one lucky man. Don't mess up your healthy relationships.
  #30  
Old 03-10-2022, 05:45 PM
chaoslord chaoslord is offline
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Re: Seeking Life Advice ..Ramblings of sorts

>What's your age and how did your view of 'Love' change over the years

41. Married with kids. I love my wife and daughter. The difference is that love towards my wife is conditional and towards my daughter it is unconditional. Parental love is closest to the purest type of love there is. Regarding spouses - divorce happens which tells you that it really is a fine line between love and hate

>Is it still worth it to get married in Singapore? Local vs Foreigner?

Marry a local but fuck foreigners . The difference in thinking and culture is notable for foreign brides (Read: China / Viet / Thai). Like it or not - on average they are here for a better life and upscale it by marrying local men. I would do so in their shoes as well. If its just sex - that's easy right? But we are talking about life partners where everything needs to be aligned.

>How do you deal with nosy people asking why are you still single at my age.

As someone said - "I wish I am as lucky as you! Anyone good to intro?"

>Is there anything that I should be careful with now I am approaching my 30s in relationships?

Always look out for yourself first - as men we focus on our career and the ladies would come naturally. Love is selfish in that regard. Do rationale cost benefit analysis before you put anything on the dotted line.

>How to not get jaded by two-faced people either at work/professional setting?

Avoid office politics and gossip. It's hard in certain organisations though but as best as possible keep things in a professional setting and context. Also no funny business in the workplace. Indiscretions should be kept in other closets!

>How do you (some of you feel) living a double-life with chionging and having a clean image in the day?

He who has not sinned cast the first stone. Nobody's perfect and I am a nobody

It feels great. You only live once - but you can love many times . Don't think so much and be grateful that we live in Singapore and the many benefits that it brings. Just be financially (and sexually) responsible hehe.

> Has chionging affected how you treat/view your relationships?

None. I have many "unofficial" relationships, some of which I have maintained for years. I still treat my wife with absolute respect. I don't ask the same in return as I am not deserving of it.

But man does it feel good.
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